LB |
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Chapter 17 |
| Got ready for my trip to Ohio and finally took off. I'd never been on a plane before. I like to be on the ground.
Being up that high makes me promise God I'll behave for the rest of my life, provided it's longer than the length
of the flight. I didn't even know what Taunia looked like. All I knew was hair colour ("Some people call it brown") and blue eyes. And she'd wear a teal coat. She wouldn't tell me anything else. "That's it?!" I screeched. "At least wear pajamas so I'll know you when I see you!" I got off the plane. There weren't many people on it. Everyone was claimed except for me. I made my way to baggage pickup. The Akron-Canton airport is small now, but it used to be elfin. The luggage was put on a cart and pushed out to where people were waiting to retrieve it. There were very few suitcases. They just wheeled them out and left. I come from land-o-big airports. You need 41 pieces of ID and a blood test to get luggage out of a major airport. In Akron, it was "Here 'tis, have a nice day" and they were gone. Damn. I still hadn't seen anyone yet who looked like they were looking for me. And I didn't know who I was looking for and was getting nervous. I looked around. No one was approaching so I hoisted my bag onto a chair and stuck my flight itinerary in my mouth to free my hands while I unzipped the bag so I could put it away. Then someone was in front of me... I looked up, itinerary clenched in teeth. I should have known she'd appear just then. Taunia was wearing a long night shirt and snow boots (it was March and still extremely cold) and a teal coat. "Hi. I thought you had a good idea." A couple days before the show, B. called. She was thinking of coming out for the gig. Taunia was sitting in a chair. I was on the couch, halfway across the room. I'd been watching the canary when the phone rang. When I realized Taunia was talking to B., I peeked over at her. She was looking at me. B. didn't know I was there. If she found out, she'd come here for sure! Taunia knew this too. Taunia was saying, "Uh, I think the show is on the 28th..." It was on the 27th. I dove forward off the couch onto my knees. I went towards her, on my knees, begging, pleading, shaking my head "No!". Taunia, trying not to laugh, had to turn away. When she dared peek, I acted out "If B. comes here, I'll die," plunging an invisible knife into my heart and falling over. She threw pretty much everything at me that she could get her hands on to try to make me stop, with no luck. When she refused to look, I shot rubber bands at her until she did. Then I'd re-enact my drama again. "OK. Yeah, call me and let me know..." When Taunia got off the phone she was laughing too hard to be mad. Then she unplugged the phone. It stayed that way until I was gone. We taped the radio broadcast of the Pretenders show in Chicago. I was distracted all through it -- they kept playing those darn songs from Get Close! Blah! It was a bit too funky for my taste. The day came for the band to be at the Coliseum. Taunia had never met Chrissie and really wanted to. Hell, this was simple now. I knew where to go and when. On this tour, they played Coliseums and other mega arena-type places. But there seemed to be little interest in the band members. No one was dying to meet them or anything. They filled these enormodomes, sold them out. Get Close was the worst-selling Pretenders album in the US to date. They were still riding off the overwhelming success of Learning To Crawl. I whined about getting ready to go. "Do I hafta?" Let's just skip it. It's not the same without Martin..." It wasn't the same. I knew how much Taunia liked Martin. She still does. But she'd never met Chrissie before and really wanted to. We headed to the Coliseum with Taunia's boyfriend and his brother. The guys sat up in the front. It's just the guy thing to do. But we were running late. Would we miss them? How far was this place, anyhow? We just kept driving and driving. It looked like we were out in the woods. This place was way out in the boonies as far as I was concerned. We pulled up in the back just as a bunch of folks were coming off a tour coach. I said, "Stop, STOP!" and the driver slammed on the brakes. The car came to a halt, still some distance from them. There was no one else waiting to meet them and they hadn't seen the car. The only chance for Taunia to meet her was if I got out and ran for it to stop Chrissie before she went in. I yelled, "Let me out!" and I shoved the driver into the steering wheel by pushing on the back seat with both feet as he opened his door. "Chrissie!" I was extricating my foot as she turned. She was holding the baby. Everyone else continued on into the building. She handed the baby to Jim and came towards us. I didn't want her to have to walk a mile-and-a-half to get to us, so I sprinted to her. She stopped... yeah, you clear the distance, I'll wait here. "Hi ya." "Hi." Taunia came up, did the "Hi" thing. Chrissie mentioned they were having a birthday party for the baby. I should have guessed they'd be doing something like that. I knew Chrissie would be here with her family -- it's not the best place to meet her since she's busy doing the family thing. Anyhow, that meant she had to go soon. Taunia asked for an autograph on her Humane Society notepad. "Nice paper" Chrissie commented. So -- the future Pretenders Archives met each other and then Chrissie (well, met up with CH in my case). Hynde spotted Taunia's Pretenders necklace and called someone over. They discussed it briefly, then she explained that they'd just been talking about the old logo, or something. It never did make much sense to me. We talked for a couple of minutes. She asked me how I liked the weather out this way -- it was raining. "Fine by me." The other two who'd been in the car had finally parked and were now approaching. Chrissie eyed them over my shoulder. Taunia, well aware of the approaching individuals, said, "Well, it was nice meeting you." "Well, thanks." She looked at me. "Hey, thanks for comin' over and stuff. See you." I nodded and said, "See ya." She ambled over to the door, sure (and correct) that no one else would bother her. Taunia was pretty damn happy. I was pretty damn happy. The two others weren't very happy. I said, "She had to go. Her family's here." "Oh..." they mumbled. I was impressed at how Taunia had let Chrissie get away just before the others came over. I was prepared to do it, but she beat me to it by a second. We hadn't meant to keep her long, especially with the party thing happening. It was very kind of her to come over at all since she could have easily escaped. The guys didn't need to meet her. Of course we didn't either -- it's not like it was a matter of life or death. But they weren't even fans and the only reason they wanted to meet her is so they could say they'd met someone famous. I've seen a lot of people meet Chrissie over the years. Taunia had been very cool, despite just about busting from excitement. I figured it was because she was older (if you call 29 "older"). I really did! I thought older people just didn't act like goofballs and fall apart going, "Oh my god, oh my god... I love you so much!" For the first time in my life, I was wrong! Taunia just doesn't act like that. I realize all too well how overwhelming it is to meet Chrissie. Even if you aren't really a fan, she's still a very strong character to contend with. And if you are a fan... oooof -- look out. Sometimes all you can think is "I'm standing here with Chrissie Fucking Hynde." I know all about that. But I've still never wanted to tell her I love her music. Just the fact that I'm going to the show and standing there waiting for her says that. Went back to Taunia's place, then a few hours later returned to that cavernous locale. Had crappy seats. We were on the floor, we weren't even that far back, but you couldn't see. Coliseum shows suck hard. The entire time I was in Akron, I was praying for snow. I could often be found standing outside yelling up to the sky, "Snow! Snow, dammit! SNOOOOOOW!!!" But it would not. When Taunia took me to the airport for my trip back home, it was raining and getting very cold. I flew to Chicago, where I was to change planes. By the time the plane took off from Chicago, there was snow in Akron. The clouds unloaded snowflake after snowflake after snowflake that night and the entire next day. When it was done, Akron had received 22 inches of snow. That was the most they'd gotten since that blizzard of '78 or whatever it was, which topped out at... what was it?... 24 inches or something? Maybe I shouldn't have wished quite so hard? I returned home. Work was no thrill. I didn't mind doing work, I just didn't like the way we were treated after they fired our boss and brought another guy in. Again, I began to wonder if I was getting caught. I'd continued to write to B. We weren't friends, we had sort of a business relationship. There are some people who, while you're sure they must have friends, you sure as heck can't imagine it. We traded stuff. I'd send her live shows in trade for vinyl. I carefully guarded my source for bootlegs, a guy named Iverson, as she'd drop me like a hot potato if she found the tape fountain. D. proved my theory on this by giving B. Iverson's address. D. was so dumb, it was incredible. B. dumped me. I dumped D. It was OK. I didn't really want to be part of that whole thing anymore anyhow. K. called a few times to try to talk to me, but I wouldn't ever speak to him. Birthday cards, Christmas cards... all went, unopened, into the trash. My birthday, 1987. I was 21. That's how old my parents had been when Theresa was born. And I'd never even been on a date. Weird. I'd turned anyone down who'd asked, and they hadn't exactly been lining up at my door. I can't understand the attraction of going somewhere with someone you don't know. It still gives me the willies to think about it. Sounds like hell to me. I just wanted to see bands and buy records and hang out with my friends. I don't let many people into my circle. If someone else brings someone in, I usually have the person pegged as an idiot within five minutes. It takes the friend an additional six months to realize the same thing and get rid of them. It's not that I'm a snob though, really. I'm just weird. I know this. I like people who have a certain type of sense of humour. The sense of humour is a must. I don't use it just to have a good time, I use it to communicate. People who don't use this same method usually find me annoying and I generally feel the same way about them. I'm also irritated by stupidity so my friends are always more intelligent than I am. Once we start comparing IQ scores, I'm always the dummy, logging in at 134. This is the perfect arrangement... this way, they have to put up with the idiot and I don't. By the time I got off work on my birthday, I was spent. Unloading railcars in the summer was the worst. It would quickly reach over 110 degrees inside the cars. And we'd done a bike car that day - almost 700 bikes to take out of the car and bring into the warehouse. They'd always shift and jam together, boxes crushed, and you'd have to pry them apart. Pretty unbearable stuff. Mind-numbing and physically exhausting. Took a shower to wash away the pounds of mud I'd accumulated as sweat mixed with an always-present, over-abundant amount of dirt. Theresa came over. Gave me a little gift bag and a card. The card said on the front "Another birthday..." and when you opened it, finished with "...another year closer to looking like Mom." I laughed. Handed it to Dad who also read it and laughed. Seems like there was a little truck in the bag, some neat little toy (I love toys) that did something funny. Theresa said, "I'll get you a real present later -- but I knew you'd like that." We were playing with the truck when Mom put the cake and ice cream on the table. She'd gotten vanilla ice cream. Vanilla? Vanilla?! That's very odd. Everyone knows I love chocolate. Chocolate, chocolate, chocolate... everything chocolate. I live for chocolate. I eat it for breakfast, lunch, dinner and dessert. Snacks, too. When I was a tot I was always told I was going to turn into a piece of chocolate since I ate so much of it. My great aunt was baby-sitting us once and got each of us a pint of chocolate ice cream. She figured we'd eat as much as we could and be delighted with our visit to her house. I mean, how much ice cream could a two-year-old and a four-year-old possibly eat? Well, this little piggy ate the whole pint. Then I ate the rest of my sister's, which was most of it. Man, I love chocolate ice cream... So I cut into the cake. Removed a piece. Unlike the 19 cakes before it, this one was different. It was white cake. With fruit filling. I didn't eat fruit. Never. Hated it. White cake, too. For all my other birthdays, my parents had (except for the one they weren't home for) gotten me a chocolate cake with custard filling. They had also gotten me a chocolate cake with custard filling for most of Theresa's birthdays until she ruined it by telling our parents that she hated them. As soon as the cake type was revealed, everyone fell silent. This was absurd. Mom read the card. She did not laugh. She started screaming at Theresa. Mom's from Alabama -- she talks funny. Our favourite word has to be "being". She pronounces it like "bean". So when she yelled at Theresa about how she was tired of being the butt of our jokes and wanted to be treated like "a human bean", we nearly died laughing. But Mom was even more pissed now. They got into a huge fight, Mom and Theresa. She threw Theresa out of the house... I mean, pushed her out the door, screaming the whole time. As Theresa went to her car, I leaned to the open window. "Thanks for comin'. And thanks for the stuff." We were going to go somewhere later. Anywhere. |
